“I like seeing people who have like, just a big open smile.
It’s not so much that they know who they are,
it’s that they are not worried about who they are.”—Stephan Jenkins (lead singer of Third Eye Blind) (via chadsugg)
it really makes me wonder why so many people in this world all find it alright to put other people down just for the sake of doing so. why can’t they let everyone be. why can’t they encourage them to follow their heart. why can’t they forgive and forget?
if you want to insult one of my best friends and call her ‘pathetic’, i suggest you take yourself down from that high pedal stool you put yourself upon and stop causing drama just to try and put her down. you’re not nearly as mature as you think you are if you have to sink to this level. newsflash: you’re not actually 20 years old. you’re still in high school. live your life before you regret it.
there is so much i want to say but i’m not quite sure how much i can write without hurting anyone.
but i’ll start out by saying that one’s image can only get them so far, if anywhere. it is by no means a basis as to who someone should be friends with, and never the sole determination in picking friends. you’re just hurting yourself, and pushing away those who care about you.
i feel invaded. i have people to turn to when things go wrong and places to go that i truly enjoy, and you just might fuck it up. pay attention to the things you do, what you say, and who you mess with. because i don’t want it to affect me, which it might. i’ve built this up for the last two years of my life and i don’t want you to tear it down. it’s what i escape to, and i might have to clean up my tracks and do this on my own. I can’t say this in any easy way without hurting you, but hold back, i never ment for it to go this far.
i knew you’d never understand. thanks for going behind my back and saying things just for the point of saying anything. i’m not sorry i have the confidence and self assurance that you lack, and i can see through all of your actions you’re so self conscious. a good friend of mine, who you use and manipulate and push away when convenient, pointed out that you try so hard to stand out and be different and have your own image (which is what you hide behind time and time again), but none of it is unique. so why do you put yourself through the torture of having to act a certain way and fit a certain lifestyle?
you always put me down, and then pretend it’s a joke. it’s obviously not if it’s coming from you. if someone in my life i care about takes a playful stab at my taste in music or anything for that matter, i know all along it’s a joke and i don’t let it get to me because it means nothing. i see the way you hurt them; i wish you wouldn’t.
it took a lot out of me to write what i did. but it feels really good to get it off my chest.
“i learned a long time ago that if i don’t put 911 EMERGENCY before anything i say, no one will respond. nobody likes it when it’s not an actual emergency, but hey, at least i have their attention.”—Micheal Scott, The Office
today i realized i let someone close to me walk out of my life. i didn’t run after them. i wasn’t there when they needed me most, and come to think of it they weren’t there for me, either. 4 years ago, i would never think of us growing this distant. looking back, i’m not sure what held us together in the first place. but that doesn’t stop me from missing you. time let everything fall into place, but i still wonder how you’re doing from time to time.
i have already experienced so much at such a young age. i’ve learned to appreciate my life and love the people i surround myself with in a way not many other people have. i can not wait to meet myself in about two years. there’s so many questions i want to find the answers to, and so much that i want to learn. i have fallen in love with the world around me.
“i’m so glad i found you i’m not gonna lose you, whatever it takes to stay here with you, take it to the good times see it through the bad times, whatever it takes is what i’m gonna do.”—The Starting Line
there's a lump in my throat and a sick feeling in my stomach.
my eyes sting when i realize the way the world has unfolded. don’t pick that over me. or try not to; you know who you are. because i don’t want this to hurt. i’m terrified of what might happen if i tell you how i’m feeling, and my biggest worry is you not caring enough to fix this.
you’re that itch that gets under my skin that i can’t seem to shake because i know what it means. I’m scared that the only thing i know to turn to is the only thing that holds us together. the weirdest thing is that it feels like there’s no one on the other end, i want to be able to freeze time and arrange life to my liking. they tell me that growing up is a part of life; i’d rather take my chances on never changing and staying young over tangling myself in this world and this mess any day. we lose ourselves in what is closest to us, what we can grasp within our fingers. is there anything genuine left inside of you?
this band has meant so much to me for the past 5 years of my life.
tonight i saw them play in the northstar bar in philadelphia, arguably one of the smallest venues in this city. i don’t have much else to say other than it was the best fucking thing ever. it couldn’t have felt more like 3 years ago even if it tried to. i dressed like i was in 3 years ago again. i acted like it was 3 years ago again. i loved that band the way i loved them 3 years ago again.
thanks for still being there even when you seem farthest away.
you don’t understand, and i get that, i do. but then you call me out on my shit without realizing your own. you asked. i told. i honestly don’t care what your reaction is. for the record, i’m not phased by whatever you tell me; i see you’re trying to impress me. uhhhh in case you haven’t noticed i’m not the same person i was. am I supposed to be sorry I grew up and don’t do what i used to? it’s immature and thinking you’re a big shot because of whatever, only lasts for a limited amount of time. you are not going to get through by kissing my ass.
don’t worry your pretty little head, this isn’t about you. (: