Sometimes it’s hard to vent everything that’s going on in my life. Sometimes it’s because I feel pathetic, sometimes because the situations themselves are difficult to deal with, and sometimes simply because it’s difficult to show your true self. But this is me, allowing myself to be vulnerable to a world of strangers..because I constantly have way too much on my mind. I don’t expect you to read all of this, and that’s fine. But if you do, thank you for listening.
What’s been going on in the past month? hmm It started several months ago actually. My aunt has been taking care of her mother-in-law. My aunt has one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever encountered. She decided it would be best to allow her mother-in-law to live with her because she was having too difficult a time and wasn’t able to live on her own anymore. Someone always needs to stay home with her, and she’s rarely able to leave the house because it’s too painful to walk long distances. My aunt had 2 dogs, ages 13 and 3. Thirteen is an old age for a dog, and eventually she had to put the dog on different medications to help his arthraitis. A few weeks ago my aunts 3 year old dog got hit by a truck outside of their house. He had a broken leg and had to have surgery of some sort. During this time, the 13 year old dog was having problems bleeding and being unable to move…they had to put him to sleep. After getting hit, the 3 year old dog was having terrible troubles moving around. He ended up passing away last weekend.
One month ago my grandma was rushed to the ER because she was having difficulty breathing. She had breast cancer 5 years ago, and was diagnosed with Diabetes 7 years ago. Ever since then, it seems like every month they discover something else that is wrong with her. She was in the hospital for 3 weeks due to blood clots in her legs. She also had surgery on the layer around her heart because it was filled with liquid. She’s been in a nursing home for 2 weeks now. She’s getting better but when she gets out she won’t be able to live alone. My aunt, of course, volunteered for her to live at her house since she was already taking care of her mother-in-law. I tell ya, this aunt of mine just takes on TOO MUCH.
A couple months ago when I was visiting home, all my relatives were over. I walked by my parents bedroom and my aunt was in their crying. She was so stressed out and exhausted that she just needed to take a single minute out of her busy schedule to be alone. I walked in and hugged her. (When I see someone with tears in their eyes, that’s all I want to do. Even if they’re a couple stranger.) She smiled and I know she really needed that hug. She does absolutely everything for her husband and son. My cousin is 30 years old and still lives at home with them. He was diagnosed with Autism when he was a child. My aunt has dedicated her life to doing absolutely everything for her family…including becoming a Special Education teacher to help children like her own son.
In July, my friend’s bestfriend was stabbed to death at a local party. He had just graduated high school. He had SO much ahead of him. He was one of the most genuine people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. I think about him almost every day….I still just can’t believe it…
My neighbor Irmgard is 87 years old. A cute little lady who immigrated from Germany as a teen. She’s been like a grandmother to me for the past 10 years. She has a heart of gold. She’s always looking for someone to talk to, she has so many interesting stories, and she’d be willing to sit and talk for days straight just to have the company of another individual. Her 40something year old nephew has lived with her the entire time she’s been in the neighborhood. He doesn’t pay rent, he doesn’t have a job, he does not help around the house in any way. My parents found him screaming at her last year, curse words and all. I still can’t seem to get over the thought of that. He has a camera on the outside of his garage (that’s what most drug dealers do in order to watch out for cops or whoever may show up at their house). Therefore, none of us have the ability to give him the benefit of the doubt. He steals her money. She had to borrow $10 from my parents a few weeks ago…just for groceries. Then 2 weeks ago, my brother found her walking several blocks away from the house. My brother stopped and picked her up. She said she was headed to the bank. The bank was at least 2 miles away… She was walking herself because that “man” decided he needed to spend time with his girlfriend rather than help out the lady who has raised him and done absolutely everything for him. She’s recently been getting sick. He legs and arms are swollen and it’s hard for her to move around without being in complete pain.
My dad and brother will be losing their jobs soon. They’re electricians. My dad has been working at this company for 36 years, but because of the economy several people at his work have already been laid off. My dad has worked his butt off 5-6 days out of every week for that entire time. And now, he’s down to 3 days of work each week because his company can’t afford to pay him.
There’s soo many more things on my mind but I’m done venting for now. Things will get better, I know they will. But I just don’t understand how so many bad things happen to so many amazing people. It seems as though the strongest hearts are the ones that endure the most pain and struggles.
I’m nervous, thankful, hopeful, and upset all in one. I want to be able to fix everything and make everyone happy and give everyone everything that they need in life. But I’m human, and I’m unable to do all of that by myself.
Things will work out. Things will get better. Every single struggle will only make you stronger.
Just keep your head up, kid. Hmmmph.
your strength inspires me past the point that words can even begin to express. the world needs more people with a heart as big and strong as yours. the fact that you’re going through all of this yet are able to still say keep your head up is absolutely phenomenal, and i give you maadd props for that. just know that as hard as it seems to believe, things will get better. the days will get brighter. “this too shall pass.”
everything eventually does, i promise! find sunshine, even in the littlest things, and squeeze every last drop out of it to tide you over through all of this. i’m here for you if you ever want someone to talk to, my twitter/aim is hiikatieeee
Graduated High School. Kissed someone. Smoked cigarettes. Got so drunk you passed out. Rode every ride at an amusement park. Collected something really stupid. Gone to a rock concert. Helped someone. Gone fishing. Watched four movies in one night. Gone long periods of time with out sleep. Lied to someone. Been dumped. Snorted cocaine. Failed a class. Smoked weed. Dealt drugs. Taken a college level course. Been in a car accident. Been in a tornado. Done hard drugs (i.e. ecstasy, heroin, crack, meth, acid). Watched someone die. Been to a funeral. Burned yourself. Ran a marathon. Your parents got divorced. Cried yourself to sleep. Spent over $200 in one day. Flown on a plane. Cheated on someone. Been cheated on. Written a 10 page letter. Gone skiing. Been sailing. Cut yourself. Had a best friend. Lost someone you loved. Shoplifted something. Been to jail. Had detention. Skipped school. Got in trouble for something you didn’t do. Stolen books from the library. Gone to a different country. Dropped out of school. Been in a mental hospital. Watched the “Harry Potter” movies. Had an online diary. Fired a gun. Gambled in a casino. Had a yard sale. And a lemonade stand. Actually made money at the lemonade stand. Been in a school play. Been fired from a job. Taken a lie detector test. Swam with dolphins. Gone to sea world. Attempted suicide. Voted for American/Australian Idol. Written poetry. Read more than 20 books a year. Gone to Europe. Loved someone you couldn’t have. Wondered about your sexuality. Used a coloring book over age 12. Had surgery. Had stitches. Taken a taxi. Seen the Washington Monument. Had more than 5 IM’s/online conversations going at once. Overdosed. Had a drug or alcohol problem. Been in a fist fight. Suffered any form of abuse. Had a hamster. Petted a wild animal. Used a credit card. Gone surfing in California. Did “spirit day” at school. Dyed your hair. Got a tattoo. Had something pierced. Got straight A’s. Been on the Honor Roll. Known someone with HIV or AIDS. Taken pictures with a webcam. Started a fire. Had a party while your parents weren’t home. Gotten caught having a(t a) party while they were gone.
“You know when they say, “it’s so crazy it just might work”? Well I don’t believe that. I say go for the airtight plan. And that is why I am having Andy wheel me into the conference room inside a make-shift cheese cart. It is just… elegant.”—
- bad things happen to good people. - history always repeats itself. - stupid boys make nice girls cry. - people change on their own. you can’t change them. - giving up is about the worst thing you can do to someone. - you have to learn to make yourself happy. - relying on someone will only disappoint you. - use conditioner instead of shaving cream. it makes your skin so soft. - if you don’t eat the fortune, it doesn’t come true. - doing things on your own is healthy. - goldfish and ranch are delish. - reaching out is sometimes all you can do. - holding hands is the greatest feeling ever. - being sympathetic is about the easiest thing in the world. - bad words are never needed. - what people say about you is never true unless you believe them. - people will let you down. - you have to at least try to be happy. - controlled substances will never fix anything. - do not jump on a trampoline covered in soap and water. - middle school years are the worst. - reading is good for you. - do not forget about boiling water. - you always have the opportunity to be a good person. - do not eat after seven o clock. - comfort should ALWAYS come before fashion. - do not use gold paint near a new black shirt. - try. always just try. - keep on the sunny side. - eyeliner isn’t the best thing invented. - don’t order shoes online. - jesus does love you. - regardless of what people say, it is very easy to text in school. - don’t jump down people’s throats without reason. - always say sorry, when you mean it. - acting older than you are really impresses people. - BE NICE. even when you don’t want to.